I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
