she was so not down for the gang bang
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
