Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
