Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
