12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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