No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
