So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
