My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
