I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
