If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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