I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
