I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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