I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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