my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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