i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
