I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
