The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
