quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
not ubering you a puppy
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
