i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
