Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
