I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
