That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
