Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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