hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
