She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
