just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
