i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
