Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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