Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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