Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think i got beer on your cat.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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