We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
