am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
its liver damage thursday
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
