The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
