Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
