just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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