Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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