Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
