Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
