he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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