maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude i'm inner monologue high
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
