he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
