Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
