He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
