May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
