defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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