My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
