We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
