just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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