I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
