watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
