I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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