Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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