I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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