Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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