so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
