Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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