The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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