i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
did i walk over a car last night?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
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I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
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I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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