he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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