I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
