Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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