A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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