She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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