I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
