You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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