Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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