just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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