just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
