my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Pooping to opera.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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