you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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