I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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