I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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