I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You can't special order awesome
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
