remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
