Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need to calm my uterus...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
