God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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