thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
