Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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