just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How's work?
Spinning.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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